Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Bow-chelor: Doggy Style - Episode 2

Saturday night and I hopped an Aire Ruby flight to Pennsylvania to pick up my date, Asta Marie. I'll admit I was a bit concerned when Asta Marie came to the door wearing a sweat suit and a facial mask, remote control in one paw and a bag of Orville Redenbacher in the other. 

"Hi Asta Marie, I'm Petey. I'm here for our date on The Bow-chelor," I said hesitantly.

"Who? Never heard of you!" she replied, when suddenly Dewey Dewster pushed her out of the way rather abruptly and said, "Ahh, that Mom - what a kidder!!! what a jokester!!! She'll be ready in 10 minutes, cool your heels." And with that, he closed the door on me!

 Sure enough, 10 minutes later, Dewey reopened the door and pushed the now perfectly lovely Asta Marie on the porch. "No hurry, Ma, stay out as long as you like!" he shouted as he quickly closed the door behind her, locked the deadbolt and slid the chain across.

"Now tell me once again, what's your name?" asked Asta Marie, "And why are we going out on a date? I was all set to watch 'Must Love Dogs' and give myself a pawdicure tonight..."

I KNEW DEWEY NEVER MENTIONED HE'D SET ASTA MARIE UP ON A DATE! As we walked around to the limo, I could hear him chuckling in the backyard and saying over and over again "Hello balls, you're all mine now!!!" 

So despite our rocky start, we were soon back in New York. I'd decided that since Asta Marie had such a thing for bowls, I'd make it the theme for our date. 

First stop: Bowlmor Lanes! The Greenwich Village landmark for funky glow-in-the-dark bowling.
I didn't know if it would be league night or not, so I wore a shirt just in case. Here we are in the entrance. Asta Marie had just asked what my name is once again so I'm repeating it to her.

This place is really cool! And I knew Asta Marie's white patches would look really neat under the black lights. Talk about a "high-pro glow!"


"We'd like four pairs of size 2 shoes please." We had to leave our licenses and a guarantee that we wouldn't chew the shoes if we got bored.

We chose our balls (I haven't seen mine in about 5 years, har har) and I casually leaned against the Trophy Case to see if she'd notice my Trophy for actually catching a bowling bowl mid-air. (What's a chipped tooth in the pursuit of glory?)

I won't show you any shots of us bowling—this is a sport that does not lend itself to flattering angles for wiry butts. I will say that Asta Marie is no guttersnipe—she had six consecutive  
spares and won a free pitcher of beer for the highest score of the night. 

"Well done, Asta Marie!" I said, angling for a congratulatory smooch. 

"Thank you, Paul" she replied, shaking my paw vigorously and tossing me a liver snap.

After bowling, I wanted something that would REALLY bowl Asta Marie over. I had one of these Party Bikes sent over from Times Square. 
Aren't they crazy? Up to six riders pedaling like mad all at once through New York City traffic. I knew Asta Marie would find me adventuresome, fun-loving, and perhaps, even a little bit dangerous!

Wheeee! Here we go. Asta Marie was a pro at this too! Note the one paw behind her back! She chatted and exchanged numbers with the other pedalling pups. I on the other hand, wasn't feeling so hot. See my paw on my tummy? The spinning of the Party Bike, the blur of lights, and the bacon-liver-greenie pizza we'd had at Bowlmor wasn't sitting too well with me. 

I won't tell you what happened when we got off the bike. Suffice it to say, Asta Marie was ever the lady, first looking the other direction, then handing me a tissue and a breath mint, saying the same thing happens to Dewey Dewster when he gets too excited.  She reapplied her lipstick, adjusted her collar and we headed up to the top of the Empire State Building where we met Tanner, who flew us at the speed of light to California!!!

I had him drop us off in Pasadena where, continuing my BOWL theme, I'd arranged for us to borrow this pretty Rose Bowl parade float for our ride in Los Angeles. 
 
Kinda beats an Escalade with blacked out windows, don't it? Well, the Rose Bowl parade officials took one look at Asta Marie and...well, do I have to tell you who will be the Queen of the Rose Bowl parade come January 1?

Now, you may wonder where our final destination would be and why I'd had Tanner fly us all the way out to California from New York? By the way, there's no inflight entertainment when you chose to have Tanner fly you—but believe me—Tanner is more than entertaining enough!

We went to a concert at the Hollywood BOWL! (Am I a clever boy or what?) At my request, the orchestra dedicated their version of "Asta Maria" to my lovely date. 

"Ahh," she said, wiping a tear from the corner of her shiny brown eyes, "that was what they played when I married my first husband." (Talk about a buzz-kill!)

At that time, I'd arranged for a rather casually dressed man to present Asta Marie with a gift I'd selected just for her. A fabulous BOWL with sticks attached for easy carrying. (The gentleman was unshaved, which is why I've cropped his head from his photo.)

"Oh, thank you ever so much -- Petey, is it?" she cooed. Then she pulled out a photo of seven matching bowls! 

"My second husband gave me a set of these when I had my first litter. See? The blue one is for Dewey Dewster. He was such an adorable pup! The spitting image of his father." 

Then she cried some more. Something about "lost love" and "chasing every piece of tail in town."

Needless to say, this date did NOT go as I'd imagined. And yet, I was attracted to Asta Marie's sparkling conversation, her fluffy coat, and how well she knew her way around a bowling alley...

"Asta Marie, will you accept this rose?"

"Why thank you, Freddy! Now, what pray tell am I supposed to do with this?"

Hopefully Dewey will explain the whole premise to her and I'll get her answer shortly. 

In the meantime, I have some more dates lined up! Moco, Lilly, Abby, Hershey and Kaci (a threesome! I peed on the rug a little when I heard about that!), and...gulp...Lacie ( I did more than pee on the rug.)

So on that romantic note, stay tuned!!!!







21 comments:

Daisy said...

Well, your second date was very different from your first one! It will be very hard for you to choose, I think.

Biggie-Z said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was a most imaginative date! I'm sorry the party bike didn't go over so well for you.

Enjoy your dates with the ladies!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Petey!
Or Paul? Or Freddy?
I think this was not the best of your dates!
Asta Marie sure is a nice lady but seems like she still has in her mind her ex-husbands. Give her more time to know you better.
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Sen and Tom said...

Wow, should we start calling you Romeo?! You are really getting into this dating thing, Petey! Can't wait for the next episode!

Alasandra said...

Well my sisters are certainly impressed with all the romantic activities you planned. I shall have to keep them in mind for when MoMo gets back from her safari. I probably should do something pawsome to impress my girl.

Good luck with the ladies and we are very glad to hear your Mom doesn't need surgery. ~Socks

Jake of Florida said...

Petey,

There is no way in dogdom that we can keep up with you -- so we guess we're condemned to perpawtual bow chelor hood.

But we wish you well!!!

Jake and Just harry

Asta said...

Petey
Ummmm I think Asta Mawie is not ovew hew exes yet..but I think wif all the wondewful things you did , she will cewtainly have to wemembew you and stawt thinking about the footoowe,not just the past..you awe tewwific
smoochie kisses youw ASTA

Abby said...

Hi, Petey...

When you visited my Blog today, you mentioned our date...

I didn't know we had a date...It was a complete surprise to me, but my Mom said I could go, cuz you seem like such a nice young pup...& she loves the Batchelor Show...

So, I just wanted you to know that my dream is to go to a Yankee Game at Yankee Stadium...I'm kind of an All-American Girl, you know...

Now, I don't know what you have planned, or, if that would be possible, but I sure would love it...If not, you can surprise me...

Abby xxxooo

Joe Stains said...

what a fun date. I am glad Tanner was able to help you out and I am always glad to get him out of the house for a while. Asta Marie sounds like she has what they call BAGGAGE, um you may want to stick with the younger dogs??

Maggie and Mitch said...

Mom is rolling on the floor here! We don't think it's funny! We feel badly that your date with Asta Marie didn't end on a happier note! Oh well - onto Episode 3!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Deefor said...

Too bad all your bowls brought up sad memories. Maybe a bowl of hamburger would have cheered up bow-chelorette #2. Hope you have better luck with Abby. I can't wait to hear.

Deefor

Jackson said...

Wow, Asta Marie is one foxy lady. If you think she was a tough date, wait till you take out Lacie! Can't wait to read about THAT date! J x

Asta said...

Petey
Now you'we being just lilly..how Could those pictoowes make you need CPW..you've slept all nekkid in the same bed wif me and nothing happened, heheheh
take a cold showew
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Eric said...

Petey, Very thoughtful venues but hate to say it ....I really don't think you bowled the sweet Asta Marie over did you?

Can't blame her as Dewey set her up. His own Mother can you believe it. I wonder what you have planned for Lacie...he, he, can't wait to see that date. Do you plan to wear full body armour? And maybe a body guard? Make it in broad daylight too.

Wags, Eric x

MoMo said...

Hahahahah!!! Petey, you are such a scream. I am a cat and have a perfectly lovely boyfurriend, otherwise I would defnitely take you up.

By the way, I am Asta's sissy and Socks's girlfriend and I saw you in their blogs.

Dewey Dewster said...

Well Petey...

I think ya told a fib 'r two there about my Mom...Maybe he wasn't quite ready on time there but I really didn't think ya would pick 'er up so I waited til the last minute ta tell 'er 'bout ya....she did not like either of her first two husbands so she would not have been cryin' 'bout 'em at all....she actually only liked the 3rd husband, Fred, who she still sees occasionally cause he lives with brother Scott. Maybe I fergot ta mention him......

Somethin' tells me ya was nippin' at the pawtinis pretty heavy there 'n ya got sick ta the stomach because ya drank too much...blamin' it on the bike 'n all...shame on ya.....

My Mom was so upset when she got home we had ta console 'er with a steak cause she thought fer sure ya were due fer a hospital stay after ya spilled yer guts out....gadfly about town...tryin' ta impress the ladies with yer fancy friends with private planes 'n concerts in the sunshine state....'n I thought ya were a perfect match fer Mom since ya liked ta play ball 'n lay in water pans too....

Ya broke 'er heart, I tell ya.....broke 'er heart.....oh woe is me...woe is me.....Now this isn't gonna be on one of those reality shows is it? Cause Mom would be mortified 'n I might have ta call ya out fer a duel or somethin'....

Think I need ta warn the other ladies about yer drinkin' problem before it's too late......

Dewey Dewster here....

Huskee Boy said...

Oh wow.. I never knew you are such a romantic guy Petey! (Pssst... MY MOM said that if she had not married my dad, she'd go out with you in an instant.. then again, I told her that you'll only date the same species, to she's O.U.T!)..
Umm.. Asta Marie is a gorgeous gal, unfortunately she can't seem to remember your name! Oh well, at elast she got it right ONCE!

Asta said...

Petey
I don't undewstand how Dewey Dewstew can say those things about you..you wewe a pawfect gentleman and you awe not someone wif a dwinking pwoblem at all..I don't get it?!?!?!?!?!?
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Snowball said...

Another fun date. How heavy was the bowling ball you guys use? The lightest we have here is 8lbs. Is your bowling balls custom made?

The cup with holder for chopsticks looks interesting but jie jie says if her grandma is still alive and see her placing chopsticks like that, she will get a good scolding from her cos her grandma believes that chopsticks are only placed like that when you make offering to the dead. Of course that is only superstitious beliefs... hee...

Luv
Snowball

Maya and Kena said...

Another great date Petey! You sure are a lucky guy!
And Asta Marie had a blast, didn't she? How pawsome!
Wags and licks,
Maya and Kena

Agatha and Archie said...

LACIE????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Are you kidding me?????????????????????????Do you have a blender???????????????????????????????????????/ LACIE????????????????????????????????????????? Love and kisses A+A