The Bow-chelor: Doggy Style - Episode 2

Saturday night and I hopped an Aire Ruby flight to Pennsylvania to pick up my date, Asta Marie. I'll admit I was a bit concerned when Asta Marie came to the door wearing a sweat suit and a facial mask, remote control in one paw and a bag of Orville Redenbacher in the other. 

"Hi Asta Marie, I'm Petey. I'm here for our date on The Bow-chelor," I said hesitantly.

"Who? Never heard of you!" she replied, when suddenly Dewey Dewster pushed her out of the way rather abruptly and said, "Ahh, that Mom - what a kidder!!! what a jokester!!! She'll be ready in 10 minutes, cool your heels." And with that, he closed the door on me!

 Sure enough, 10 minutes later, Dewey reopened the door and pushed the now perfectly lovely Asta Marie on the porch. "No hurry, Ma, stay out as long as you like!" he shouted as he quickly closed the door behind her, locked the deadbolt and slid the chain across.

"Now tell me once again, what's your name?" asked Asta Marie, "And why are we going out on a date? I was all set to watch 'Must Love Dogs' and give myself a pawdicure tonight..."

I KNEW DEWEY NEVER MENTIONED HE'D SET ASTA MARIE UP ON A DATE! As we walked around to the limo, I could hear him chuckling in the backyard and saying over and over again "Hello balls, you're all mine now!!!" 

So despite our rocky start, we were soon back in New York. I'd decided that since Asta Marie had such a thing for bowls, I'd make it the theme for our date. 

First stop: Bowlmor Lanes! The Greenwich Village landmark for funky glow-in-the-dark bowling.
I didn't know if it would be league night or not, so I wore a shirt just in case. Here we are in the entrance. Asta Marie had just asked what my name is once again so I'm repeating it to her.

This place is really cool! And I knew Asta Marie's white patches would look really neat under the black lights. Talk about a "high-pro glow!"

"We'd like four pairs of size 2 shoes please." We had to leave our licenses and a guarantee that we wouldn't chew the shoes if we got bored.

We chose our balls (I haven't seen mine in about 5 years, har har) and I casually leaned against the Trophy Case to see if she'd notice my Trophy for actually catching a bowling bowl mid-air. (What's a chipped tooth in the pursuit of glory?)

I won't show you any shots of us bowling—this is a sport that does not lend itself to flattering angles for wiry butts. I will say that Asta Marie is no guttersnipe—she had six consecutive  
spares and won a free pitcher of beer for the highest score of the night. 

"Well done, Asta Marie!" I said, angling for a congratulatory smooch. 

"Thank you, Paul" she replied, shaking my paw vigorously and tossing me a liver snap.

After bowling, I wanted something that would REALLY bowl Asta Marie over. I had one of these Party Bikes sent over from Times Square. 
Aren't they crazy? Up to six riders pedaling like mad all at once through New York City traffic. I knew Asta Marie would find me adventuresome, fun-loving, and perhaps, even a little bit dangerous!

Wheeee! Here we go. Asta Marie was a pro at this too! Note the one paw behind her back! She chatted and exchanged numbers with the other pedalling pups. I on the other hand, wasn't feeling so hot. See my paw on my tummy? The spinning of the Party Bike, the blur of lights, and the bacon-liver-greenie pizza we'd had at Bowlmor wasn't sitting too well with me. 

I won't tell you what happened when we got off the bike. Suffice it to say, Asta Marie was ever the lady, first looking the other direction, then handing me a tissue and a breath mint, saying the same thing happens to Dewey Dewster when he gets too excited.  She reapplied her lipstick, adjusted her collar and we headed up to the top of the Empire State Building where we met Tanner, who flew us at the speed of light to California!!!

I had him drop us off in Pasadena where, continuing my BOWL theme, I'd arranged for us to borrow this pretty Rose Bowl parade float for our ride in Los Angeles. 

 

Kinda beats an Escalade with blacked out windows, don't it? Well, the Rose Bowl parade officials took one look at Asta Marie and...well, do I have to tell you who will be the Queen of the Rose Bowl parade come January 1?

Now, you may wonder where our final destination would be and why I'd had Tanner fly us all the way out to California from New York? By the way, there's no inflight entertainment when you chose to have Tanner fly you—but believe me—Tanner is more than entertaining enough!

We went to a concert at the Hollywood BOWL! (Am I a clever boy or what?) At my request, the orchestra dedicated their version of "Asta Maria" to my lovely date. 

"Ahh," she said, wiping a tear from the corner of her shiny brown eyes, "that was what they played when I married my first husband." (Talk about a buzz-kill!)

At that time, I'd arranged for a rather casually dressed man to present Asta Marie with a gift I'd selected just for her. A fabulous BOWL with sticks attached for easy carrying. (The gentleman was unshaved, which is why I've cropped his head from his photo.)

"Oh, thank you ever so much -- Petey, is it?" she cooed. Then she pulled out a photo of seven matching bowls! 

"My second husband gave me a set of these when I had my first litter. See? The blue one is for Dewey Dewster. He was such an adorable pup! The spitting image of his father." 

Then she cried some more. Something about "lost love" and "chasing every piece of tail in town."

Needless to say, this date did NOT go as I'd imagined. And yet, I was attracted to Asta Marie's sparkling conversation, her fluffy coat, and how well she knew her way around a bowling alley...

"Asta Marie, will you accept this rose?"

"Why thank you, Freddy! Now, what pray tell am I supposed to do with this?"

Hopefully Dewey will explain the whole premise to her and I'll get her answer shortly. 

In the meantime, I have some more dates lined up! Moco, Lilly, Abby, Hershey and Kaci (a threesome! I peed on the rug a little when I heard about that!), and...gulp...Lacie ( I did more than pee on the rug.)

So on that romantic note, stay tuned!!!!