Thursday, August 21, 2008

And I had such high hopes....

Sadly, those of you who voted in the poll that Lacie and I wouldn't last until the weekend might be right. I voted that she'd found her own true love, me. And yet I was the only one who cast that ballot. Even Lacie herself didn't believe it...

Even my favorite toys couldn't console me.

And I was all set to send her this lovely cactus plant with her thorny roses, 
snapdragons, and Venus fly trap. I'd even already written out the card...

"Dearest Lacie...I'm stuck on you. Love, Petey"

I guess I'll cancel my order for the blossoming crabapple...

Maybe I should order this instead. Because I fear our love has died.
Before it even had a chance to grow.

You see, I first got worried when just four days after our first date to Coney Island, she was mooning over Gussie's butt! And now that he needs surgery, she's talking about practicing "deep breathing exercises" and sleeping in the same bed with him.

And do you know how she signed off to Gussie? "Love and kisses, Lacie." How does she sign off on her posts to me? "Grrrrrrrrr barks, Lacie." ??? 

By the way, Lacie, I have a cute butt, too. But have you ever complimented me on it? NO.
Even Asta knows - they call me Thumper over there because of the cute way I can wag my tail.

Well, you all know that I didn't want to get involved with Lacie until I was sure that she and Archie were a thing of the past and that he was fine with it and had moved on.  He gave me his blessing to be Lacie's boyfriend and we celebrated by going to France for Tom's surprise birthday party. (Now Lacie, how many of your other "boyfriends" have surprised you with a trip to France???)

Apparently, Archie wasn't being quite so candid about his reaction to breaking up with Lacie. Catatonic was more like it.

When he awoke from his deep faint, he gazed toward the Heavens and told his sister Agatha, "I'm going to become a monk and live with Abby."

Hey knucklehead! THIS is an abbey where monks live....

They DON'T live with THIS Abby.

Anyhow, as soon as Lacie heard that Archie may be taking a vow of chastity, she was off like a bride's nightie. Something about having to administer psychological counseling or some such nonsense. It doesn't take a German Shepherd to know...

>Lacie was having Thorn Bird fantasies. (And look!!! He's even handing her a rose!!!)

So I've decided to rally my fellas, starting with Archie. And now I'm putting out the bark to Noah, Tom, Eric, Scruffy, Baby Stan, Deetz, Stanley, Stanislaw, Mitch, Butch, Toby, Dewey, the Bark-a-lot boys, Deefor, Huskee Boy, Joe Stains and Tanner, Mango and PeeWee, Riley—heck, Jackson has had enough of those girls fawning all over him, he's coming, too.
Am I forgetting anybody in my excitement? 
If you can pee on three legs, you're welcome to come along!

Boys, Spanky and Alfalfa may have had the right idea. (And after all, being named Petey, I know a thing or two about the Little Rascals!) It's not that we hate'em, we just need a break from them.  

A Stag Party of sorts.
No Tanner, not THAT kind of stag.  

The kind of party where you lather up with your Ladies' Man Soap with Hope, 
And hop a charter flight on Aire Ruby to....VEGAS BABY!!!

I've already reserved the High Rollers Suites at the Ball-agio Hotel. 
(Where else would we stay? And won't we have fun playing in that pool?)

We're gonna see us some scantily clad VEGAS SHOWGIRLS!!!!
And we're gonna hit the CRAPS TABLES.
(Note to self: Have a LONG talk with Mango and Joe Stains 
about the CRAPS tables BEFORE we get there.)

So fellas, are you in? Leave me a comment if you want to come along for the ride of your life!
(Sorry, but ladies need not apply this time! Well, with the exception of Ruby, as she's got to fly the plane.) We'll lick our wounds, sniff some showgirl butt, and do some male bonding. 

(That's BONDING, not HUMPING, got it? Good!)

23 comments:

Noah the Airedale said...

I'm in matie. My sissies were reading this post and thought they could come along cause they're freaks and widdle on 3 legs but I said No Way...boys only!!!!

See you soon.

Noah

Girl Girl Hamster said...

Oh dear.. I thought that you and Lacie will last longer.. I hope you boys have fun there..

~ Girl girl

happy said...

Oh, sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you, Petey! There's plenty of fish in the sea, err..I mean dogs. I'm sure you'll find your soulmate in time to come. Have fun now with the boys!

Amber-Mae said...

How can I miss this fun? I'm IN!!!!!!

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Simba said...

Me, me, me! I'm sorry your love didn't last, but better to have loved and lost, who am I trying to kid, lets go to Vegas baby!!!

Simba x

Abby said...

Hey, Petey, My Friend...

It's Rosco, here...

Since my Dad had to go back to the Army...I've got some extra time on my paws...

Mind if I come along to Vegas with ya? I can tell you some stories about the Little White Mop Dog you guys won't believe..

Rosco

Sen and Tom said...

Hey Petey. Tom is back at the vet's so it's Sen-Chan writing. Just wanted to say sorry it didn't work out with Lacie but... I spoke to ViVi's guy at the party last night and there is a French girl over here who still might be interested...Think about it!

Sen-Chan

Eric said...

Hey pal, you need consoling big time. A boys night out? Woopee - doo!! Count me IN!!

Thanks for the invite. Never been to Vegas...wow, that's the real deal. Now I need to go change some of my £££ into $$$$$$ and hire a Tux, pack my I Pup...hey maybe we could hire a stretch limo Petey, with a bar in the back for cruising... I'm wagging... Eric

Big Pupi said...

I've been considered quite the ladies' man in my day! I'm the biggest flirt - I'll even crawl on my belly and do spins for them. I'll teach you how to snag one of those Vegas girls! Did I mention that I can also party like a rock star?

We'll have to leave my brother Stanislaw out of this one. He's got a girlfriend. Dork!

Agatha and Archie said...

I AM SO IN!!!!! Just to let you in on a little secret...I wasn't really in a monastery...I just told her that..(I saw it on a HBO show once and it sounded good) I was watching the Red Sox on TV and eating popcorn!!(your lips are sealed..) PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I have enough money..I better get PL2's gold card..... I CAN NOT WAIT LITTLE BUDDY!!! Love Archie

Daisy said...

Oh Petey, sometimes love is very difficult. I think a trip to Vegas is just what you need right now!

Joe Stains said...

We are SO SO SO ready for this!! I can't wait to see what kind of trouble, I mean FUN we can have!! craps table huh?? ALWAYS BET ON BROWN!!!!!!!! wooo!!

Jackson said...

Hey Petey, count me IN! J x

Gucci said...

Don't try to brainwash my Chefster boyfriend to hate boxergirls!


xxxoo.
gucci.

Jake of Florida said...

Hey Petey -- When is the VEGAS, BABY!!! trip???

We told Gussie and his muzzer that we'd be coming over to provide a male counterpoint to all those wirey nurses. After that, we might be free. Purse strings are pretty tight though -- and we never got one of those gold cards -- so we
aren't sure yet. But let us have more 411, OK???

Even if Jakey doesn't go, I might be in for the ride.

Just Harry

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh man, Petey... I am sooooooooooo in with ya...I don't know if Stanley is allowed to go...he um...got himself into a bit of trouble at daycare today and has to be OBSERVED CLOSELY. Actually, Petey, the craps table might just be the pawfect place for him...

Lacie is beside herself. Now she found out via Aggie that Arch didn't go to the MON A STARY and was just watching baseball. It's rather ugly around here. Hmm...I think she's had this comin' for a while!!

Is it true what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas???? WOOOOOOT!!!

I'm so there!

Scruffy

Alasandra said...

Oh Petey, we do hope Lacie comes to here senses. You are a very nice guy doggie. If you were a mancat we would be after you in a flash. ~Scylla & Charybdis

Sounds like you guys are going to have a blast in Vegas. I am sure you will be very LUCKY! ~Socks

Lorenza said...

Hi, Petey!
A trip to Vegas is what you need right now!
Have fun with the boys!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Asta said...

Petey
I can't believe you'we going to tuwn into one of those kind of guys..did I judge you wong???
and yes Mommi has not moved fwom that position in the chaiw..she says it's one whew she looks OK and you can't see all the yucky stuff about hew..I looove youw Mom's new haiwcut
smoochie kisses
ASTA
pee ess..auntie Kawen has a secwet

Toffee said...

Riley says that he's "in" for the woman haters club!!...hilarious post...I would be happy to console you Petey I can only offer friendship as my heart is with Eric...

woof!

Biggie-Z said...

Petey, are we, like, an Ocean's 23 or something? You know, I am all for consoling you and doing boy stuff but you really shouldn't take it so hard. What is wrong with loving ALL the girls? And boys? What my girlfriends don't know won't hurt 'em, and most of them know I have lots of girlfriends and we're totally cool with that.

There are so many more boy dogs than girls where I live that you'd think we were in China or something. So we boyz have to let our girlfriends get whatever they want. I'm down with that; I'll play bitey face with anyone.

Deefor said...

Hi Petey
I'd love to go. I never get to hang out with man doggies. I'm ready to go!

Deefor

Chef said...

Petey, I'm in. But someone's gonna have to hold me back if I start sniffing a chorusdoglette... (Gucci and I are like almost engaged.) But I'm so into craps, it's not even funny.

xox
Chef