Having a ball this weekend!

First of all, look at what the girls brought me back from the US Open!!! An official ball! 

Do I look like Andy Dogdrick?

Then on Friday, I got to go visit my Mommy at the office where she's been working. We forgot to bring me some toys to play with, but a nice lady had this stuffie flower. And yep....

I deflowered it in no time at all!

I had a great time! There were lots of people there who shared bits of their lunch with "that cute dog!" And then this little fella stopped by for a visit and we got to play some ball. How cute is he in his checkerboard vans and skinny jeans? Pretty cool for just 20 months!

Hope everyone is having a fun weekend and their people are home for three days to lavish them with loads of attention!

Where in the world is Petey?

Why spanning the globe on Aire Ruby's anniversary flight of course! Wow, is my pal Asta one amazing photographer, or what?

Here's the news...

Mommy's been working like a crazy person...


Which has really cut into my blogging time and dog run visits. 

Mommy's 17 year old niece and her best friend are visiting from Boston.
They say they're here to see the U.S. Open Tennis tournament. But Mommy and I know better. This is what they're really hoping to see...

Do they take sad, "home alone," latchkey dog Petey with them to this mythical land of Flushing where tennis balls live by the thousands? No. 

Do they sneak one of these wonders back on the subway with them? No.

All I got was this stinking tee-shirt. It didn't even SMELL like a tennis ball. 
But speaking of tee-shirts, I've been proudly sporting this one all week. Don't know if you can read it very well but it says "Bark Obama." Some lady in the corner deli  even took a picture of me wearing it the other night when I was out with Bear. 

If you want one (or one that says McCanine) go to www.petsvote.com

Isn't dogmocracy a great thing? Pow to the Paw!!!

All by myself, don't wanna be, all by myself...anymore!!!

Well, it's been three days since Lacie left me to run back to Archie. I kinda thought I might hear something from her. An announcement of their upcoming nuptials (now that it is clear he is NOT joining an order of monks. Monkeys, maybe.) An apology for leaving me so suddenly without so much as a "see ya, chump!" Or even a snarl...

I spent the morning looking back at happier times...

Then I thought, "Petey my man, you've got to pull yourself together." Actually, that was what Mica said. He was tired of me wallowing around on the couch and wanted his favorite napping spot back.
So I high-tailed it over to Canine Styles and got myself a slick new hairdo. (Hee, mine cost $5 MORE than Mommy's!)  Don't I look nice? Even if it does look like my tail is now growing out of my head? Maybe Lacie left me for Archie because he has that polished show dog look. I'd show her the handsomeness behind the scruff.

Hey look! They even have a topiary outside that looks just like me! And once the ivy starts growing, it will look like me before I got stripped!

I was walking home down Bleecker Street, and even the store windows seemed to be mocking my failure at romance. Look at this one! It even has a handbag with a scene of Paris, mocking my one date as boyfriend and girlfriend with Lacie to France.

And then I saw this! 

A perfect Lacie. Portable, quiet, defanged. And unable to run away at a moment's notice. I couldn't tell if she had eyes, but if she did, she'd only have eyes for me.

I was all set to run into the store and buy her, when something stopped me in my tracks.

It was the memory of a little white and brown girl I'd just met at the dog run. Warm brown eyes, a love for chasing tennis balls. She didn't nip or growl at me, just wagged her little puppy tail. She didn't even complain when I gave her a cursory sniff. In fact, she sniffed me right back.

She was... BIANCA.

Puppy shots behind her and already to play with the big doggies. And no bad "flirting" habits yet. Hmmm, this might work out just fine after all. 

Good luck Archie and...I'm sorry, what was your name again?...oh yes! Lacie!

I'll be headed out to Las Vegas with my pack in a few days, but when I get back... 

"Well, Bianca, have you ever cruised the canals of Venice in a gondola?"

NOTE TO ASTA: By the way, I am NOT "one of those dogs." I was just deeply wounded by your so-called nurse friend (Isn't there a nurse's creed about "you will inflict no harm?") and need to get away from all the dating drama for a while and just be a boy dog with my mates. Scratch ourselves freely, groom our private parts in public, fart without apology. I don't know if girls get it.

Why don't you rally the bitches, errr, girl dogs and have a pajama party? Watch "When Hairy Met Sally," paint your claws, and do each other's hair. I think Mommy may still have some facial masks you can use.

And I had such high hopes....

Sadly, those of you who voted in the poll that Lacie and I wouldn't last until the weekend might be right. I voted that she'd found her own true love, me. And yet I was the only one who cast that ballot. Even Lacie herself didn't believe it...

Even my favorite toys couldn't console me.

And I was all set to send her this lovely cactus plant with her thorny roses, 

snapdragons, and Venus fly trap. I'd even already written out the card...

"Dearest Lacie...I'm stuck on you. Love, Petey"

I guess I'll cancel my order for the blossoming crabapple...

Maybe I should order this instead. Because I fear our love has died.

Before it even had a chance to grow.

You see, I first got worried when just four days after our first date to Coney Island, she was mooning over Gussie's butt! And now that he needs surgery, she's talking about practicing "deep breathing exercises" and sleeping in the same bed with him.

And do you know how she signed off to Gussie? "Love and kisses, Lacie." How does she sign off on her posts to me? "Grrrrrrrrr barks, Lacie." ??? 

By the way, Lacie, I have a cute butt, too. But have you ever complimented me on it? NO.

Even Asta knows - they call me Thumper over there because of the cute way I can wag my tail.

Well, you all know that I didn't want to get involved with Lacie until I was sure that she and Archie were a thing of the past and that he was fine with it and had moved on.  He gave me his blessing to be Lacie's boyfriend and we celebrated by going to France for Tom's surprise birthday party. (Now Lacie, how many of your other "boyfriends" have surprised you with a trip to France???)

Apparently, Archie wasn't being quite so candid about his reaction to breaking up with Lacie. Catatonic was more like it.

When he awoke from his deep faint, he gazed toward the Heavens and told his sister Agatha, "I'm going to become a monk and live with Abby."

Hey knucklehead! THIS is an abbey where monks live....

They DON'T live with THIS Abby.

Anyhow, as soon as Lacie heard that Archie may be taking a vow of chastity, she was off like a bride's nightie. Something about having to administer psychological counseling or some such nonsense. It doesn't take a German Shepherd to know...

>Lacie was having Thorn Bird fantasies. (And look!!! He's even handing her a rose!!!)

So I've decided to rally my fellas, starting with Archie. And now I'm putting out the bark to Noah, Tom, Eric, Scruffy, Baby Stan, Deetz, Stanley, Stanislaw, Mitch, Butch, Toby, Dewey, the Bark-a-lot boys, Deefor, Huskee Boy, Joe Stains and Tanner, Mango and PeeWee, Riley—heck, Jackson has had enough of those girls fawning all over him, he's coming, too.

Am I forgetting anybody in my excitement? 

If you can pee on three legs, you're welcome to come along!

Boys, Spanky and Alfalfa may have had the right idea. (And after all, being named Petey, I know a thing or two about the Little Rascals!) It's not that we hate'em, we just need a break from them.  

A Stag Party of sorts.

No Tanner, not THAT kind of stag.  

The kind of party where you lather up with your Ladies' Man Soap with Hope, 

And hop a charter flight on Aire Ruby to....VEGAS BABY!!!

I've already reserved the High Rollers Suites at the Ball-agio Hotel. 

(Where else would we stay? And won't we have fun playing in that pool?)

We're gonna see us some scantily clad VEGAS SHOWGIRLS!!!!

And we're gonna hit the CRAPS TABLES.

(Note to self: Have a LONG talk with Mango and Joe Stains 

about the CRAPS tables BEFORE we get there.)

So fellas, are you in? Leave me a comment if you want to come along for the ride of your life!

(Sorry, but ladies need not apply this time! Well, with the exception of Ruby, as she's got to fly the plane.) We'll lick our wounds, sniff some showgirl butt, and do some male bonding. 

(That's BONDING, not HUMPING, got it? Good!)

Un bon anniversaire surprise!

For those of you doggies who aren't tri-lingual (English, dog, & French), no, my headline is not about my surprise at celebrating a 24-hour anniversary with Lacie. We aren't even officially boyfriend-girlfriend yet because I still don't have Archie's blessing. 

Instead, it means "a good surprise birthday!!!!" Today my friend Tom is celebrating his very first birthday. (And so is his #1!) So since Asta and Lacie are just across the Channel in England, taking care of Jackson who seems to be recuperating nicely, I thought they might want to join me. 

First I rang up Jackson: "Jax, old boy, just wondering if I could borrow the girls for a few hours today. Would that be alright with you?"

Jackson thought for a moment about his soggy mattress after Asta had tried to administer a bubble bath  in his bed and the absolutely dreadful stuff that Lacie had been referring to as "tea" and didn't hesitate a moment before saying, "Yes, take them! I could use the rest!"

I wasn't sure I'd heard him right, what with the international connection and all, "What's that, Jax?"

"Yes, take them...and give Tom my best!" And with that, I popped over on Aire Ruby (for some reason, one of the lavatories was out of service) and picked up the girls! Off to the Eurostar station in Waterloo.

 
My bestest pal Eric just happened to be the train station on his way home. Good thing we were all decked out in his favorite color! He'd been to the doctor to see about some burns he'd suffered...who knew that a mis-poured cuppa tea could scald you? I noticed Lacie was a bit shy and embarrassed around Eric....and thought, maybe she is changing her flirtatious ways....

Anyhow, we soon were off! We had a great time on the train. The girls got me all caught up on their adventures in England. I surprised them by bringing along the 8-pound, 750 page fall fashion issue of American Dogue for them to share.

Finally, we were in deepest France! Sen-Chan, Tom's gorgeous Aby chat-frere, had alerted me that Tom likes to spend his afternoons guarding the front entry so we snuck around the back way...
Lacie and Asta started giggling as they tiptoed through the tall grass with all our birthday, errr. anniversaire, supplies. 

We could hear Tom start barking "Hey, who's there? Who's there?" And he came bounding out of the field...

"SURPRISE TOM!!!!" we all shouted!

We sang a few verses of "Joyeux Anniversaire, Joyeux Anniversaire, Joyeux Anniversaire Tom, Joyeux Anniversaire!" Won't you sing a few verses with us?

Then we tucked into a delicious cake and drank lots of champagne. Tom took us up to the house and we had a grand time chasing balls down the long marble hallways—excellent for bouncing the ball extra high and sliding to get it.

And I've gotta tell ya, even though she giggled a lot and took her time letting Tom show her the grand ballroom, Lacie didn't really flirt with Tom all that much. And as you can see, Tom is one handsome fellow, and a LOT taller than me! PLUS he lives in deepest France AND he sounds exactly like Clive Owen.  She really surprised me (at least, I don't think she slipped him her telephone number...).

The day was growing late, there was a train to catch back to England, and the girls had to get back to their nursing duties. Tom walked us back to the gate and waved goodbye until we were out of sight. All in all, I think he had un tres bon anniversaire! I know we sure had a great time celebrating it with him!

"Nos meilleurs voeux, Tom!"

Uh oh.

The dogs (cats and hamsters) have spoken. 

They have voted for Lacie to be my girlfriend. 

Now I don't know what to do...

It's not like Lacie isn't a pretty girlie...graceful...

...with a quiet modesty... apparently she even flosses daily....

And let's not forget the warm welcome she gave Toby and Dewey Dewster....

It's just that, well, she already HAS a boyfriend.

And he's my good pal Archie!

And when I asked her about this, she went crying to Dewey Dewster that 

I was mean to her...and then asked him out on a date!

Of course, this was right after she giggled her way across the ocean on Aire Rudy with Noah!

I have no idea what went on when they locked themselves in the bathroom, I only heard Lacie saying that "To Aire is Divine!" later to Asta.

Since Abby was sooooo close in the voting, maybe we throw out the high and low scores, divide by 5, multiple by .007 and ask the Australian judge who should be my girlfriend.

Shall we sort through the ballots looking for dimpled chads* and demand a recount?

Instead, I'll do the honorable thing...Lacie, will you be my girlfriend?

...but only if Archie, Dewey and Noah are okay with it!

A fella's gotta look after his mates, right?

*Chads were made famous in the highly contentious 2000 presidential election in the United States, where a majority in the U.S. Electoral College was determined in Florida by the counting of punch card ballots. Voters leaving incompletely-punched holes resulted in partially-punched chads, where one or more corners were still attached, or dimpled chads (also known as pregnant chads) where all corners were still attached, but an indentation appeared to have been made.