So my bestest buddy Eric was hobnobbing on the high street, looking for more fancy footwear at Selfridges when he ran into Mrs. Victoria Beckham —Posh Spice herself! He almost flipped his wig when she cornered him by the baby soc—errr—dog knit footwear rack and started blabbering on and on how she's heard he was good friends with me and if it wasn't too much trouble, would he be so kind as to get me to pawtograph this photo for her?
Your love pup,
Later that evening, Eric was taking in Madonna's concert (Posh slipped him some VIP tickets to thank him for getting my pawtograph) and just before the final chorus of "Into the Groove," an usher ran up with a backstage pass, telling him that Madonna insisted he come backstage immediately after the concert.
Then she started singing, but the words didn't sound quite right:
(To the tune of "Like a Prayer")
"When I call your name, Petey my Cairn terrier,
I'm down on my knees, the ball rolled under there.
In the midnight hour, I can feel your power
As you tug the leash, to pee upon the flower."
When Eric went backstage after the concert, he was shocked that all Madge wanted to do was find out all about me.
"After she changed out of her costume and came out in this tee-shirt," said Eric, "I realized that Guy Ritchie had been barking up the wrong tree suspecting Madonna was involved with A-Rod.
"It was more like 'A-Dog' — Petey, to be precise."
I was shocked. Shocked I tell you when Eric rang me up with this news. Who knew I'd become an international sex symbol among the 2-leggeds?
Then some friends here in the Village held another Adoption Day for the North Shore Animal Rescue. Who should show up but Angelina Jolie! (The lady can't pass up an adoption, apparently!)
When they told her it was adoptions for dogs and cats, not children she said, "I'm here for Petey. He rocks a fauxhawk even better than Maddox. Brad's changed his last name to Pittbull, but it doesn't matter—I simply must have Petey."
She was heartbroken when she heard I already had a home and wasn't looking to be adopted. (I sure hope she pulled her pants back up before she headed to the airport on the bus.)
Then yesterday morning, I was going out for my usual constitutional when I spotted this across the street!
Had I become the George Clooney of canines overnight? I ran home to call Eric to tell him all about this latest turn of events, when I was stopped in my tracks in Times Square!
It was ERIC! The royal Square Dog taking up a whole six stories in the world's crossroads. Cars were screeching to a halt as fans ran into the streets to genuflect in front of his image!
Later that day, Giselle Bundchen made headlines when she insisted the catwalk be changed to the dogwalk as she strutted in her custom-made Eric dress... Bow wowsa!
Busloads of people lined up for hours to see the latest installation at the Metropawlitan Museum of Art. They tossed the Mona Lisa in the trash to replace it with this:
Yes, indeed. Eric has taken America by storm—far exceeding my celebrity fanbase. I knew I was yesterday's news when I finally saw this!
With King Eric on the currency, maybe the dollar will FINALLY catch up to the pound now! (Or will it now be called the Dog Pound?)